Saturday, September 26, 2009

Hard Old Eye Candy

Boating is a macho and male dominated pursuit. At most marinas, it's safe to say that men outnumber women at a ratio of 10:1, probably more. I am not counting couples in this wholly unscientific statistic. Of the 30 or so boats moored on my dock, there is a lesbian couple down the way on a sailboat and a woman who owns a powerboat and frequently stays aboard with her boyfriend. 'Single' women owning and/or living on boats are rare. In the entire marina of about 300 boats or so, I know of 3 or 4 other women who live aboard alone or own their own boat. That puts the ratio at about 100:1 around here. Startling, even if it's actually half of that - a situation akin to Alaska where men outnumber women and women become a sought after commodity. I am going somewhere with this...

One of my neighbours reminds me of a Tony Soprano character; late 40s, Prada sunglasses, Italian loafers, social visits from the cops and a predilection for entertaining chainsmoking bottle blondes on his boat in the middle of the afternoon. Whenever I pass by, he's all "How you doin' sweetheart?" and "Darlin' where you been?", a real smooth operator - about as subtle as a ten ton truck. I was walking down the dock a few weeks ago and the smooth operator was in the cockpit drinking beer with a few friends. I saw him nudge his buddies as I approached. Then he jumped onto the swim platform and started chatting me up in front of his pack. I asked a young guy I know what this sort of male behaviour meant. Why was he nudging his friends before I approached and shamelessly chatting me up in front of his pals? My young friend said, "I think you must be the dock eye candy." This is not the answer I was expecting...

I am a woman in my late 30s who could stand to lose 20 pounds. I don't make any pretense to being a sex symbol or a femme fatale. But I guess from a biological perspective, primates will be primates and if there's a shortage of females to court, you take what's available. Around here, that makes me eye candy. So if you want to feel alive go to a cemetery. If you want to feel thin, go to a weight watchers meeting. If you want to be eye candy, come to a marina. My young friend suggested I remind the smooth operator that candy might taste good, but if you bite it the wrong way, it can break your teeth.