Sunday, June 13, 2010

And Then There Were Eight

Duck is tasty, just ask the French or Chinese. And if you can engage a Pike in a coherent conversation, he will also concur about the culinary merits of canard. At the beginning of the season, we see fresh families of ducks, usually with about nine baby ducks in tow. As the season progresses, the baby ducks dwindle down to about two or three. The pike swimming around the marina take their fair share. But kudos to this local mama who manages to keep her numbers high. In the middle of June she remains at eight. I count the ducks in this family whenever I see them swim by. By now, her small charges are almost large enough to avoid becoming Pike food.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

A Rousing Game of Strappy (Gratuitous Nudity Included)

This week found us over at Hanlan's Point beach sans ball. The angels sighed, the fabric of the time space continuum tore a little bit and the Yorkie whined emphatically. How could we possibly be at the gay nude beach without a ball to entertain Sir Yorkiness. The ball is his elixir. If I was drinking beer, was the Yorkie not entitled to enjoy himself equally, to frolic with the nudies and chase balls like everyone else on the beach?

Luckily we were with a resourceful gentleman, both an entrepreneur and a dog lover. He removed the shoulder strap from his cooler bag and rolled it into a magical ball like shape. Ira was very skeptical at first, but he gave it the old college try. At least someone was throwing something. The strap unravelled upon impact with the sand on the first few throws and resumed its unmagical shape of a cooler shoulder strap. The entrepreneur soldiered on, determined to create the game of fetch the dog so desired. After a few more throws, the strap became tangled and wet, assuming the slightly magical shape of a piece of soggy bark. Good enough thought the Yorkie, game on. And for the next hour he fetched strappy on the beach and out of the lake. A good time was had by all.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

If it flies, floats or fu@ks...

I recently ate dinner with some old tycoon and we got on the subject of boats. He said, "Darling, let me give you some advice, the same advice given to me by a Sicilian business man of my acquaintance: 'If it flies fucks or floats, just rent it.'" I already know boats are an expensive ownership proposition. Knowing what I know about boats, I assume planes are fiscally punitive too. And women! Well, I've witnessed lots of expensive divorces. I imagine renting women is probably cheaper if you do the math on trading a million dollar house for seven years of nookie. So anyway, I took the Sicilian's second hand advice and just rented a boat this year. And it's a big boat. One could say it's a yacht. Mind you, it's quite an old yacht, before you think I've gone all uppity. But what's the main benefit of yacht rental you ask? There's one that really comes to mind and it goes like this: "I live on a yacht."

Fly Oh Fly

There is one fly, a friendly fly. He's on my feet and in my eye.
I wish the hell he'd just fly out. I chase, I swat, I scream and shout.
He takes a nap upon my toe. Where I am, he has to go.
He sleeps at night on a banana peel. Wakes me up at six with a squeal.
The door is open, won't he take a hint? Must I spell it out in fine print?
I grabbed a book and swat him dead. I can still hear him in my head.